


Wednesday Afternoons

by StarlingHawke (Bowm8935)



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Misunderstandings, Past Murder, Yooran Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 08:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11271813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bowm8935/pseuds/StarlingHawke
Summary: Saeran always disappears on Wednesday afternoons. Yoosung is determined to find out why.





	Wednesday Afternoons

The minute hand moves, the clock switching from 2:40 to 2:41 pm. As the number increases, so does Yoosung's anxiety. At precisely 2:43 pm, Saeran will kiss Yoosung on the cheek goodbye and leave. He'll arrive back home between 4:17-4:23, depending on if he stops to bring ice cream for them to eat together or not. 

Every Wednesday afternoon it's the same. Saeran disappears through the door, is gone for an hour and 34-39 minutes and then returns, smelling slightly of lavender and with a lightness in his step that Yoosung has rarely seen. 

How long has this been going on? Yoosung's not entirely certain, but he fears that it's been the entire time they've been together. They’ve only lived together about six months -Yoosung in school for most of that- and before then Wednesdays were always off the board to hang out. Therapy appointment in the morning and a different, undisclosed type of appointment in the afternoon. Yoosung never thought to ask and Saeran never cared to specify. Has he always done this? 

Yoosung tried not to think too far into it, to  _ trust  _ his secretive boyfriend. After all, what are the Choi twins if not secretive? Saeran’s made it obvious several times he still has a great deal he hasn’t told Yoosung about his past, though he’s also said he’ll explain everything in time. When he’s ready.

So then what about this? The one time Yoosung asked (a few weeks ago) Saeran had promptly clammed up and refused to talk about it. The manner of his behavior was close to how he acts when confronted about some of the things that had happened to him but yet different enough to set off warning bells in Yoosung’s head. This isn’t a secret because Saeran isn't ready to talk about it. This is a secret because Saeran  _ wants _ it to be a secret.

As if summoned by Yoosung’s thoughts, Saeran appears and Yoosung realizes the final two minutes had passed without him even noticing, too far gone in his own mind. He bites his lip as Saeran pecks his cheek and watches him shrug on his leather jacket, slip on his shoes and head for the door. 

“Wait!” he cries out just as Saeran reaches out for the doorknob, and Saeran pauses, glancing back at Yoosung with a mixture of confusion and concern. Yoosung stands, rushing over to Saeran and throws his arms around him, hugging him tightly. “I… I love you, okay?” he whispers, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall. “I just want you to remember that.”

Saeran’s arms encircle Yoosung and pull him tight to his chest. A soft kiss pressed into his hair sends shivers down Yoosung’s spine and he clutches hold of him even tighter. “I know. I love you, too,” Saeran responds in a voice filled with a warmth and level of affection Yoosung had once wondered if he’d ever attain from him. “Are you okay?”

_ No, not at all, _ Yoosung thinks. If he wants he can probably use this to his advantage, convince Saeran to stay and not go to… to wherever this mystery place is. He could play it up, pretend to be really upset over something, anything to keep Saeran from leaving. 

But that would be lying, and the last thing Yoosung wants to do is lie to uncover a secret that might not be as bad as he’s making it out to be. 

“I… yeah,” he finally manages to eke out, unable to keep the tremble out of his voice. Saeran pulls back and tucks a finger gently under Yoosung’s chin, tilting his head up to look at him. 

“You’re crying,” he says softly, alarm flooding his face.

Yoosung shakes his head. “Am not,” he argues weakly.

Glancing at the clock, Saeran’s face speaks of torn emotions inside. Yoosung’s already made him late and it seems like he’s going to get him to stay home without really trying. But is it the right thing to do? 

Is any of his plan tonight the right thing to do?

With a sigh, Saeran starts to take off his coat but Yoosung stops him, a hand on his arm. “Go,” he says hoarsely. “Go, do whatever it is… whatever you’re doing. And then come back to me, okay?”

Pain washes across Saeran’s face at those words and he hugs Yoosung again, much more forcefully this time. “Of course I’ll come back.”

And then he’s gone, out the door. Yoosung watches him from the window, lets him turn the corner at the end of the block before he, too, slips his shoes on and runs outside.

Today he finds out what Saeran’s doing when he’s gone.

 

* * *

 

Saeran shoves his hands in his pocket as he walks quickly down the street. He’s late, he hates being late, it takes away his time with her and he hardly gets to see her as it is. Not that he’s mad, no, more…  _ guilty. _ He knows Yoosung’s curious about what he’s doing when he slips away on Wednesdays and if todays little episode is any indication, he’s starting to come up with his own conclusions.

God… maybe Saeran should’ve just told him when he’d asked, but he’s not… He can’t say he isn’t  _ ready _ because what is there to be ready about? But how does one explain this sort of thing; is it even something that can be adequately expressed in words? How one of his biggest regrets turned out to be the beginning of something new, a miracle of sorts because he met  _ her _ , and she had started to change his life long before anyone else.

Is  _ she  _ ready, though? Saeran hasn’t told her everything, either. She knows he has a boyfriend, they moved in together. She probably knows more about Yoosung than she cares to but she just keeps  _ encouraging _ him to talk and the way her eyes light up when he does, god… She’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He wants to keep that light in her eyes, but can he when it’s all said and done?

Despite starting out late Saeran makes it in the nick of time. He already feels calmer, happier; seeing her has that strange effect on him. The door opens before he makes it completely up the steps and he smiles as he’s ushered inside quickly to have her jump into his arms.

 

* * *

 

Across the street Yoosung stands stiffly in shock, tears sliding down to drip off his cheeks and hit the pavement below. Each soft plop of the water on the ground symbolizes Yoosung's pain, confusion, disbelief that this is  _ actually  _ happening. That Saeran  _ actually  _ just went into that cream-colored house, let in by (from what Yoosung could see) a woman with dark brown hair.

Has it all been a lie, then? Is Yoosung just some kid Saeran's been toying with while he visits this mystery woman once a week? No, that makes no sense because Saeran’s with Yoosung far more than he is here, but… Yoosung can’t just  _ ignore _ what he just saw.

He wants to give Saeran the benefit of the doubt but it’s becoming increasingly harder to do. Before he’d been suspicious but had hoped maybe Saeran went to a secret park or was ashamed to admit he had another therapy appointment or something,  _ anything _ other than what seems to be the case.

Despite trying to convince himself otherwise, Yoosung’s pretty sure by now that Saeran’s cheating on him. What can he do about it, though? His feet hit the pavement as he starts to pace, mind working over all of the possibilities that lie before him. Obviously this needs to be addressed in some manner, likely handled delicately if Yoosung doesn’t want to Saeran to shut down the moment it’s brought up. 

It’s not until the pain in his lip reaches a high enough level that Yoosung realizes he’s chewed it to the point of rawness, the metal tang of blood bitter as he swipes his tongue across it. How long has he been here by this point? Like an idiot, he’d forgotten to grab his phone when he left so he’s clueless. Pacing long enough to have worn a proverbial path in the ground and all that he’s managed to conclude is that he should make Saeran dinner and gently bring up his concerns one by one, kindly and without judgment. Hopefully that will clear the air between them and then… then they can end the relationship if need be.

Tears burn the back of his eyes again at the very thought of that. Would he not only lose his boyfriend but the best friend he’s ever had? Not to mention how his  _ other _ best friend might react… would this one thing cause him to lose both twins? If not, could Yoosung handle being  _ just friends _ with Saeran, or would it taste wrong, like cold spaghetti that somehow turns bad when you try to warm it up?

The sound of voices crosses the street and Yoosung’s eyes snap up to see the door opening and emitting a smiling Saeran as he waves to whoever is inside (Yoosung can’t make it out this time). But that smile falls when he turns around and mint eyes connect with purple, a look of horror and panic crossing the face Yoosung knows so well, like he knows the back of his hand or the best strategy for his character in LOLOL. Like how he  _ thought _ he knew Saeran. 

Both frozen in place for a split second, Yoosung does the only thing he can think of when he regains control over his limbs.

He runs.

 

* * *

 

Saeran feels like his feet have turned to lead or perhaps melded with the concrete he’s standing on. One way or the other he’s stuck, a prisoner trapped in his useless body as he watches the man he loves turn tail and bolt, tears flowing down cheeks flushed likely from the embarrassment of being caught. Why can’t he move? Why does his body have to rebel against him  _ now  _ while Yoosung runs off looking broken and defeated, disappearing behind the buildings and probably out of his life? 

God, he’s such an  _ idiot, _ such a fucking stupid piece of shit. He should’ve just come clean when Yoosung asked, should’ve just told him everything then but it’s hardly ever so easy. If Saeran tells Yoosung about her, about Suyeon then he has to tell him about one of the three things he’s been scared to talk about the most. One of the things that gives him nightmares, that haunts him during both day and night. A regret he’ll never be able to move past.

Will Yoosung give him a chance to explain, to try to make this right? Even if he does… what will he do when he hears what Saeran did? 

Saeran’s not sure but he  _ has _ to find out. So he drags one foot off the ground and places it in front of the other, then does it again, and again. Every step usurps precious energy from him and he fears he’ll be drained before he even makes it to the apartment but still he perseveres, relieved when gradually it becomes easier and easier to move. Easier to breathe. He’s about halfway home when he finally starts to run, worried that the precious time he wasted will have been too much and that Yoosung will already be gone by the time he makes it there.

Heart racing and breathing loud, Saeran’s feet pound against the sidewalk but he pays none of it any heed, too busy struggling to keep himself from falling into an anxiety attack. He can’t afford for that to happen, not right now. Not when something so precious to him is on the line

Damn. He should’ve known better. Saeran doesn’t deserve  _ one _ good thing in his life, let alone two. Either of them alone is too good for scum like him, both deserve better than a murdering asshole in their life like him. Yoosung, with his eyes full of life and joy, hair and personality as bright as the stars he covets and more intelligent than anyone gives him credit for. Suyeon, golden eyes filled with hope and happiness, still looking at the world around her with all the wonder of a child but as fierce as her fiery hair. Maybe Saeran’s being too selfish to keep them; maybe he should give them up. Let Yoosung move on, find someone who can take care of him every bit as much as he’s taken care of Saeran. Let Suyeon find someone better to look up to, someone more capable of being what she needs. Disappearing would be easy; Saeran’s done it before. Saeyoung would be devastated but he too would be better off without having a constantly sick, bitter and wrecked twin to drag him down.

Maybe Saeyoung and Suyeon could be to each other what Saeran can never be. If he’s truly honest with himself, he should’ve told Saeyoung about her a long time ago.

Saeran blinks in surprise when he realizes he’s already standing in front of the door to his and Yoosung’s shared apartment. Autopilot strikes again while he’s lost in the endless hallways of his mind. Should he go in or is he going to run?

Biting the inside of his lip, Saeran lifts a foot to start to back away when a loud crash pierces through the door followed by a yelp and whine. He’s through the door before he quite realizes what he’s doing, eyes wide as he takes in the scene in front of him: a pan upside down on the floor, water and noodles everywhere and Yoosung clutching his arm, eyes shining with tears. The burn is large enough that his hand doesn’t cover it completely and Saeran doesn’t think twice as he rushes over to him, pulling him over to the sink to run cool water over the angry red skin. 

“Haven’t I told you not to cook when you’re upset?” Saeran chides gently, ignoring the tears forming in his own eyes as he stares at the physical manifestation of the pain he’s caused Yoosung. Yoosung’s emotions are so intense that they can easily affect him in day to day life, to the point that when he’s extremely excited or upset he needs to be very aware of what he’s doing because he gets careless. No doubt he’d devised some plan to cook something for dinner and try to talk this out, hoping they could settle this amiably despite odds being against it. That’s Yoosung, always hoping for the best. It’s one of the things Saeran loves about him. 

“I’m s-sorry, I th-thought-" 

Saeran hushes him, continuing to hold the arm under the faucet. Yoosung’s burned himself so much that Saeran has the routine down pat for how to treat it, but it still never fails to set his heart racing. “You don’t need to apologize,” Saeran says softly. “Let’s… let’s get this taken care of and order take-out. Then I need to tell you about Suyeon.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yoosung’s in shock as he stares at Saeran, mouth open as he holds the cool compress against the gauze around his arm. It’s a relief to know that his fears were unfounded but he’s not entirely certain how to handle the metaphorical bombs Saeran just softly placed in his lap. Yoosung had asked for this, had asked - no,  _ forced _ \- Saeran to explain and now he has to deal with the consequences of that.

“You… you killed her?” he whispers, unable to reconcile the fact that  _ Saeran, _ the man sitting in front of him, the gentle, kind, caring man who tries so hard to not hurt anyone, killed someone. And not just anyone, but his own  _ mother. _ How the hell is he supposed to just… accept that?

Nodding, Saeran keeps his gaze steady as he watches Yoosung, hands folded in his lap and toying with the hem of his shirt. “Yes,” he responds hoarsely, regret laced through his voice. “At the time I was convinced it was the only way to get revenge. My resolve was only strengthened when I found  _ her.” _

“Suyeon.” The girl Saeran’s been seeing, that he’s been visiting weekly and has never told anyone - not even his brother - about. The other big surprise of the day.

“Yeah. Suyeon. Tied up just like I used to be, bruised and starving. I couldn’t let that stand, Yoosung. I couldn’t believe that… after we both got out she had another kid and did the same thing to her.” Saeran finally looks away, lower lip trembling and eyes glazing over as he remembers. “She was only three, Yoosung. So little, so scared.”

“And… despite the drugs and anger, you saved her?” 

Saeran shakes his head. “Don't… don't do that. Don't turn this into something good. Yeah, I saved her but I killed our mother. And it's luck that she ended up where she did. Most kids in orphanages aren't lucky enough to be adopted at all, let alone by a family like the one she ended up with.”

Yoosung's not sure if he's just glazing over the horrid fact that his boyfriend has committed murder or if he's weighing the good against the bad and finding one side significantly more important, but the fact that Saeran was cognitive and caring enough underneath all of the rage, brainwashing and the cocktail of drugs to save his little sister… that’s impressive.  _ That’s _ what’s important,  _ that’s _ the Saeran he knows. 

“I know,” Yoosung says quietly, reaching out and placing his hand gently on top of Saeran’s. “And that’s… something I’ll have to come to terms with. But you can’t act like you didn’t do something important by rescuing your sister from that terrible excuse you had for a mother.” Leaning forward, Yoosung wraps his arms around Saeran and pulls him into a hug, feeling tears gathering in his eyes yet again, but this time they’re not sad. “You probably saved her life.”

Silence falls between them as Saeran clings to him, burying his face in Yoosung’s shoulder and letting out a dry sob. This whole ordeal has obviously been just as hard - if not harder - for him and Yoosung is not about to back down now, not about to forsake the promise he made himself when he’d managed to convince Saeran a relationship would be worth it. 

No matter what, Yoosung will be there for Saeran and do his best to help him in his recovery. This is no exception.

An unknown amount of time passes before Saeran finally pulls back, biting his lip and looking at Yoosung shyly. “Do you… do you want to meet her?” he asks in a soft voice.

“Of course I do! If you’re ready for that.” There’s not an ounce of hesitation in Yoosung’s voice as he answers. Now that he knows Suyeon is Saeran’s sister and not some mystery lover, Yoosung would be delighted to meet her, to get to know another important person in his life.

“Come with me next week,” Saeran replies, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “I think you guys will get along really well. And…” a pause, fear flashing through his eyes, “will you help me tell Saeyoung?”

“Do you have to ask?” Yoosung teases gently, brushing Saeran’s cheek lightly with his thumb. “I’ll help in anyway I can.”

“God, I love you so much.” Saeran falls forward into Yoosung again, chest heaving as he begins to cry in earnest. “You’re too good to me.”

“No,” Yoosung argues gently. “I’m not good enough. But I will be.” He holds him tightly, rubbing his back in soothing circles. “I will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? Did you love it? Did you... *gasp* hate it? Let me know! I'm always open for reviews, comments and helpful criticism.  
> I'm here to grow. :)
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr as [cutiesaeran](http://cutiesaeran.tumblr.com/) or twitter [@MysticHawke](https://twitter.com/MysticHawke/)!


End file.
